Country Music Artist Stephanie Quayle wrote a very personal article recently for  entitled “I Lost my Boyfriend in a Plane Crash.” Days Later, I Found Out His Deception.” She describes the impact of learning a loved one’s secrets following a tragic event.

Quayle admitted that she never really got out of her first toxic relationship. It ended tragically with a plane accident in 2009 She grieved for five days for her boyfriend before being blindsided by a betrayal. “Layers upon layers” deception and disbelief added to her pain. Quayle remembered that she was not alone.

As she realized that the entire relationship was a “lie,” a sense of betrayal overtook her grief. She was told by “overzealous” family members to “get over” it to survive. Quayle’s initial coping mechanism was a frenzied work schedule, cigarettes and alcohol. But Quayle says that she didn’t fully recover until Quayle documented the unbearable experience. She realized that she had not healed because she did not receive the therapy and support she needed to properly process her grief.

It was like I was drowning from the inside. “I was ashamed to face myself,” she admitted. She was torn by the pressure of the past and the present. She felt “duplicitous” as one confidant put it. The outward laughter and smile of her mask the inner turmoil.

Quayle, now enjoying her life with husband, discovered for the very first time that the pain was still there, waiting to be released and accepted. Because I had glossed the hurt and toxic effects of the first relationship over, it was very easy for me to enter into a new one, without any thought. Quayle explained that what was supposed to be just one relationship turned out to be multiple.

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How could I have allowed this to happen? “How could I have let this happen?” I am responsible for it. I was complicit. I made my own choices. “I apologized to myself in the most sincere way possible,” she confessed. Quayle acknowledged that after 15 years, she had learned from her mistakes and the toxic people she allowed to influence her.

She began to grow as she faced and forgiven her past with the help of Dr W. Keith Campbell. “Forgiving my past gave me more than I ever could have imagined. “Forgiving myself gave new life to me.” Quayle said, “The shame I carried all these years has no place in my heart.” “I no longer feel the embarrassment I used to feel when people said, ‘you are smarter than that’ and ‘how could stay?’ It is hard-earned wisdom that I now use as a guide for others on how to and what to change.”

Quayle says she finally learned that healing comes down to self-discovery. Her new habits and mindset replaced old patterns of behaviour and thinking. Now that I’ve gained this knowledge, it’s impossible to go back. She said, “The freedom I enjoy now–previously wasted trying to understand other people’s negative behaviour’s—-grants to me the ability now to effortlessly walk away with anything that has potential toxicity,” “I am aware that not everyone will like me, and I do not think everyone will like me. “Our minds can be our greatest champions as well as our most formidable enemy.”

The singer of “Selfish”, who realized that time is her most valuable commodity, and she must be careful with how and whom she spends it. We can earn more money but never more time. “The years that have passed are irretrievable. But you and I can stop them from happening again.”